Friday, December 05, 2014

Torture Chamber

By someone on a support site for Parents of Estranged Children...

TORTURE CHAMBER

I never saw it coming
The fight that never was
I'm captured by your anger
A war without a cause

Imprisoned in a chamber
Of broken hopes and dreams
You closed the door - you locked the gate
No one could hear my screams

You walled me off with silence
I wasn't left alone
The question "why" accompanied me
Inside this dismal home

Your torture would continue
But torment made me strong
The day came when I realized
What I should have all along

The years you held me prisoner
Resilience in me grew
I could not be held captive
Any longer by your view

That was the key I finally found
To open up the gate
My sons and my torturers
You freed me with your hate

PB


I will be free some day too.  It just takes time.

20 comments:

  1. Hoping you find the key to freedom one day, my friend.

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  2. Bless your heart. I understand. My oldest and I are now in a better place, but for a long time after he returned from Iraq, we could barely stay in the same room without fighting. I finally had to ask him to move out (more like screamed at him "GET OUT!"), and it was so very ugly, and he cussed me to my face, and cussed me all over facebook (one of the reasons I HATE facebook today). He ripped my heart out the things he said to me with rage in his eyes. it was months before we spoke, and he was so rageful that the admiral and I were even afraid to sleep at night, that he might come back and harm us, it was that bad. We're much better now, he's had some professional help and some medication for the PTSD. He's getting there. I understand completly how you feel. There's no greater heart ache than when it involves our babies. I hope someday you too can find some peace about it.

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  3. Bless your heart. I understand. My oldest and I are now in a better place, but for a long time after he returned from Iraq, we could barely stay in the same room without fighting. I finally had to ask him to move out (more like screamed at him "GET OUT!"), and it was so very ugly, and he cussed me to my face, and cussed me all over facebook (one of the reasons I HATE facebook today). He ripped my heart out the things he said to me with rage in his eyes. it was months before we spoke, and he was so rageful that the admiral and I were even afraid to sleep at night, that he might come back and harm us, it was that bad. We're much better now, he's had some professional help and some medication for the PTSD. He's getting there. I understand completly how you feel. There's no greater heart ache than when it involves our babies. I hope someday you too can find some peace about it.

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  4. No words, just hugs xx

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  5. Praying for peace for your heart my friend. It must be pure torture but one that God can bring you through.
    Blessings sweet friend.
    Betsy

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  6. Oh Pammy Sue, it is not easy being a Mother to a child who you raised with love, but has shattered your hopes and dreams. I have an estranged sister, while she is not my child we were very, very close growing up. She has taken herself out of my life, but what disappoints me more is she has taken her children away from me too. And you know what, I am a pretty good Aunt.

    It does not get easier, it just gets to the point I don't think about it as much, and I don't give her the opportunity to hurt me.

    Sending you a hug,
    Meredith

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  7. Thinking of you Pammy Sue and sending hugs. Heather

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  8. Big hug, I survived a psycopath. We learn to live with it. Take care.

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  9. This book saved me after a devastating relationship. "Total Forgiveness" by RT Kendall. Love you!

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  10. There, there...I care.
    Hugs

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  11. Dear Pammy Sue, I hope you can bridge the gap with your son. I truly believe that it is better to have a flawed relationship than no relationship. Can you write a letter or make a call? The reward would be great. But of course I can give advice, but only you know which path you want to take. I will send healing energy your way. You are loved by many. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  12. This post made me very sad Pammy Sue. I wish things would improve for you in the very near future. I can't write any more for now. Big, big hugs xox

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  13. Hugs to you Pammy Sue.

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  14. I don't know the history here Pammy Sue, but just from reading your post and the comments, there must be a lot of heartache. I'm so sorry.
    When it comes to our kids, the pain goes deep.
    Hang in there, we are all thinking of you.

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  15. XO to you my dear friend. I wish I could give you a real hug.
    Love ya,
    Kris

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  16. ((hugs)) to you sweet friend. :)

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  17. Once upon a time I was the perpetrator in a similar situation. My Mother and I had a falling out over stupid, ignorant and trivial stuff. My mom was very eccentric, opinionated, gossipy, prejudice and loud about everything. A total drama queen so to speak. I did not like her at all!! I had to walk away because I felt that who she was some how reflected back on me. I was and I am nothing like her. Five years went by with nary a word between us. I kept her granddaughter from her as an added punishment. Then, I GREW UP!!! I matured in my way of thinking. I gained confidence in myself and a sense of humor about such situations with her. The newly found confidence allowed me to shrug off all the negative thoughts and continue our relationship in a healthier, humorous and a more mature manner. So, chin-up Buttercup. It takes time. Maya Angelou said, "When we know better, we do better" It's so true!
    penny x

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