Friday, June 03, 2011

The Garden of Not Zen

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Crochet Is…

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My Zen.

I had enough squares to make a 16” x 16” pillow, larger than I thought.  The method of leaving tails to sew each square to the next did not work out for me.  I don’t know if I did it wrong or what, but that was the method used in the pattern.  It was not explained any further than that.  I ended up weaving them in and cutting them off yesterday.  I’ll just have to sew them together the regular way with one color of yarn.

Now back to the Zen…or not Zen:

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This is a little Zen Garden that I bought many many years ago for the Captain’s office.  It’s been in the box ever since…until now.  He decided to take it out the other night.

HIM:  Did you see my Zen Garden?

ME:  No.

HIM:  Go look at it.  It’s in front of my computer.

ME:  Okay.

(Several minutes later…)

ME:  It’s very nice, Honey!

HIM:  Yeah, well, it’s not very Zen!

ME:  ??

HIM:  I spent two hours trying to get it like I wanted it.  I kept raking it and rearranging the rocks and the design, and then I’d decide it wasn’t exactly right and shake it back and forth and mess it up and start over.  It took me TWO HOURS to do that!  I was not very Zen when I finished…I was pissed off and anxious!

Ha-ha-ha!  So yeah, The Garden of Not Zen.

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Some of you have asked about Eli.  Of course he is still here.  I made him sit in the dog bed while I took his picture.  You can tell by the look on his face that he thought he was in trouble.  He’s appealing to his Daddy in this picture.  He is gay for Daddy.  He’s Daddy’s butt-dangler dingle-berry.  Wherever Daddy is, there you will find Eli.  Daddy would never allow Eli to be banished from this house.  He hates to admit it, but Daddy loves Eli just as much as Eli loves him.  (“Daddy” is The Captain in case you were wondering.)

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Speaking of Not Zen…

As you can see, I survived the outing last night.  It’s (almost) never as bad as I think it will be once I get there.  Don’t get me wrong.  I was glad when it was time to come home, but I had nothing to fear.  Nobody stared at me or screamed any of the below things when I walked in the door:

1.  “Wow, you really got FAT!” 

2.  “Why are you wearing GREEN toenail polish?  You are not 16 anymore, ya know!”

3.  “I can see your nipples through that bra!”

4.  “You are really looking OLD!  Are you going to get plastic surgery?”

5.  “Look everybody!  She missed a patch of hair on her ankle when she was shaving!”

6.  “Eww, gross!  You have a big booger hanging out of your nose.”

7.  “Would you like a breath mint?”

8.  “You look tired!  Did you just wake up?”

And on and on and on.  These are the things I think about and worry about.  I’m pretty sure no one would SAY those things, but I’m positive they are thinking them and will talk about me when I leave!  Insecure and paranoid much, Pam?  Welcome to life in my head.

8 comments:

  1. Looks like ZEN to me. Which is just what I need. 10 minutes to blast off and they just arrived to flush all the drains in the yard up in to our toliets in the home. Oh, lordy. Beer, please....

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  2. Looks like ZEN to me. Which is just what I need. 10 minutes to blast off and they just arrived to flush all the drains in the yard up in to our toliets in the home. Oh, lordy. Beer, please....

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  3. Oh you are so silly. No one would ever say those things to or about you.

    Tell the Captain that I think his Zen Garden is VERY Zen and that he did a good job.

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  4. LOL.....you're too much. You need some xanax. I worry about all those things too then I say 'screw it'...if they don't like me like I am then they can jump off a cliff and I'll even nudge them a little bit. :o) JK! I think a lot of us (mostly women) tend to get like this when we get older and broader in nether regions. I met a guy just a couple of days ago that I knew back in my teens!!! that I've conversed a little with online but he was passing through on his way to FL and had two other guys with him. They stopped at one of the Savannah exits to eat and I met him there. I was all worried......shoot, they're all fat like me!! And balding and losing teeth and yada, yada, yada. I was really happy to see him after all these years. BUT..I was disappointed because I always liked him, I thought he was a good catch and was hoping to talk him into staying a day or two. HE'S DAMN MARRIED!!!!!!! ugh.....my luck, if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all.

    :o) Did that make you feel better? Or at least laugh? It's true...I'm really bumming he's married. I texted him after he got going down I-95, when I got home, that I was bummed that he was married. lol.

    I'm such an idiot. Can't help it.
    xoxoxoxo

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  5. Where did you go? My 4 1/2 yr. old granddaughter said to me the other day, " Gamma, why do you have those spots on you?" ( I have vitiligo, and it is spreading fast! ) I said, because Gamma has a skin disorder that causes the skin to turn white. She thinks for a minute, then says...THEN JUST PUT SOME LOTION ON IT OR SOMETHING!!!" THEN...she said..you look tired Gamma!!! Out of the mouths of babes,,eh?

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  6. I love how you vocalize how we all feel. I can soooo relate! I was sworn in for my 3rd year as president of a women's group yesterday, saw the photo and said "not bad for an old fat woman". We are so hard on ourselves.. we need to accept what we are and be proud! ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  7. I totally get it, I'm the same way. Then you say screw it and it's all fine...particularly when you start talking to someone who has salad stuck in his front tooth. xJosie
    P.S. Love that look on Eli's face!

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  8. The Zen Garden story was a real crack-up. I can just see K...I mean, The Captain, raking his little sand garden and arranging the rocks. ha ha!

    Your list of paranoid thoughts would be more funny if I didn't know how painful that must be for you. I wish you would get some medication relief. Life would be so much more enjoyable for you my sweet sweet baby sister.

    I can't believe how far behind I am on your blog so this will be the first of a few comments.

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