Saturday, January 02, 2010


So I'm watching my neighbor's dog, Mojo, while they are out of town this week. They live across the street and down a couple of houses. I needed to go over first thing this morning and feed him and let him out.

ME: "I'm going to be the ultimate in lazy this morning and drive over there."

HIM: "Man, that IS lazy!"

ME: "Well, I don't want to change out of my pajamas and put shoes on and all that. And besides, I have to walk through the wet grass to the back. They left me the garage door opener this time instead of a key."

So donning my lovely pajamas with a sweater thrown over them and house shoes, I grab a cup of hot coffee and drive over there, driving around to the end of the street and using the alley so I can park in their rear driveway.

All is well with Mojo. He goes out and pees while I make his breakfast, but I notice that he doesn't poop. I'll just let him eat his food and then make him go out again until he poops, I think to myself.

He comes in and eats all his food like the good boy he is. When I first started keeping him, he wouldn't eat the entire time they were gone. Now he's familiar enough with me that he usually always eats.

My coffee is cold by this point, so I pop it in their microwave and get it nice and hot. I'm going to go outside in the backyard with Mojo this time and drink my coffee until he does his business. And it's REALLY cold outside, but I can take it for a few minutes with my sweater on and a cup of hot coffee in my hands. We walk out the back door and I pace around the porch drinking my coffee and watching Mojo.

He does his business almost immediately, and I turn around to open the door and go inside...

Yep, you guessed it -- the door had locked behind me. Well, that's just great. Now I'll have to go out the back gate and walk home to get Barnaby to help me figure out how to get back in the house.

I walk to the back gate and press the latch...

Yep, you guessed it again. You're good at this! The gate is locked FROM THE OUTSIDE and I can't get out. The garage door opener and keys to my truck are inside the house. I didn't bring a cell phone. My panic level starts to rise a little.

I look around and spot a sturdy wrought iron patio chair. I drag it to the fence and climb up on it. My head still just barely reaches over the top of the fence. There's no way in hell I can climb over. I may have been able to do it if the fence supports were on the inside like they should be or if I was 20 years old, but they're on the outside and I'm definitely nowhere near 20. My head sticks up enough that if someone were to drive down the alley, they could see my head and my arms waving. That's really my only choice at this point.

That and yelling my fool head off and hoping someone will hear me. It's freakin' COLD, people!

ME: "Helloooooo? Can anybody hear me? If anybody can hear me, I need help! Hellooooo?!!!"

I repeatedly yell this same thing, moving the chair on all sides of the house and hoping a neighbor will hear me for probably 20 minutes. Nothing.

DAMMIT!! "I'm glad I'm not being killed over here, people!" I yell in frustration.

Did I mention it's COLD?

I move my chair to the far corner of the fence and start yelling again. This time, a neighbor's big dogs start barking. Every time they stop, I start yelling again and they start back up again.

Finally, I hear the back gate to that house open. An older lady steps out onto the driveway and says, "WHAT?" Like I'm really being a pest.

Long story a little longer, she lets me out of the gate and I run home and get Barnaby. He gets a pocketful of tools and we bundle up and go back over to break into our neighbor's house.

After fiddling with the doors for awhile trying to figure out how we're going to get the locks open, I walk over to the master bedroom window that looks out onto the back porch. I can see that it's not locked! We raise the window which is at ground level, and I step inside easy as pie. DOH!

(Come to find out, I had left their garage door opener in my locked truck. Once I got out of the back yard, I could have walked over and gotten the spare key to my truck and opened their garage to get in the house. Double-DOH!)

I’m an idiot.


  1. Sounds like something I would do, ok I have done something similar a few times. Glad you made it back inside. Are you warm yet?

  2. What a fun story for the new year. Glad it was you and not me. I hate being cold and of course I know you love it. LOL! Oh but panic will make us all look like idiots.

  3. Yes, have you thawed yet? I think it would have taken me until next Spring. That sounded so like something that I would've done and have done similar things. LOL Glad you made it back home safe and sound and hopefully no worse for the wear!

  4. Hey Pammy Sue!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! ;-)


  5. You little winier....Get over it... It's 2 here right now with the sun out. Cold, I'll give you cold. I'm still in my P.J.s and it's 3:15 in the afternoon. Might just stay this way until time for bed.

    You know I'm kidding with you. This story sounds just like something out of my playbook. You are just too funny.

    Time to go pay attention to you know who.... he is feeling lonely this afternoon.

    3 Blockbuster picked up... yipee. But who knows what he pick

  6. (snicker...snicker...) Sorry..I can't help it. So THAT'S how the New Year is going to roll for ya huh?

  7. OMGosh!
    You are so good at cracking me up and making me laugh!
    I think you are my soul twin! This could only happen to me!
    I love you you Pam! Thank you for that amazingly funny story!
    ps.. be glad you don't live somewhere like Indianapolis, it is really cold here w/ the freakin' wind chill even colder! Taking the dogs out in the middle of the night is killing me~except when I am having a hot flash!

  8. Anonymous11:00 AM

    You said it..............not me! BP

  9. Too funny!!! Definitely sounds like a spot I could easily see myself getting into too!.. Just wanted to let you know I have my ponytail hat pattern posted now, if you want to see it... and by the way, that broccoli cornbread sounds really good! ~tina

  10. Pam, I'm so glad you're not still there. What an adventure!

  11. This is just like out of a movie with all that happen to you. It is a good thing that you did find a window unlocked a burglar could have gotten into the house. It is hard to get warm after one feezes there butt off outside running around. I am glad that you where able to do what was neede and that your okay. Take care friend.


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