Friday, February 20, 2009

I Love Lucy

I feel like I'm on the set of I Love Lucy this morning in my kitchen.

I went in the kitchen to bake a three-layer carrot cake with cream cheese icing for the guys coming over for Barnaby's poker game tonight. As I was gathering the ingredients for the cake, I noticed that the sugar container was near empty. I'm not talking about the big container, I'm talking about the one like you see in coffee shops that you just pick up and pour the sugar out of. The big container is the one I keep the bulk sugar in for baking, etc.

So I unscrew the lid of the small container and fill it with sugar from the big container.

Are you with me? It's fine. Everything is fine at this point.

I replace the lid to the big container of sugar and pick it up with my right hand, while I still have the small sugar container in my left hand, sans lid. I walk into the pantry and put the big container of sugar in its proper place. Then I noticed I hadn't gotten out the powdered sugar yet which I'll need for the icing. So I pick the 2-pound bag up with my right hand.

This is where everything starts to go to shit.

I pick up the bag of powered sugar, but I had apparently used a small portion of it at some point and it wasn't sealed properly before I put it back, and I picked it up with the open side down. The powdered sugar dumps onto the shelves and the floor of the pantry creating a white fog and a pretty white dusting over everything, not to mention the big pile on the floor. I'm still holding the small container of sugar as I try to upright the bag of powdered sugar, which is now empty so I don't know why I panicked and tried to use both hands to upright it in the first place. It was a knee-jerk reaction.

So I stare at the mess I've made, calmly walk out of the pantry and shut the door. I'll deal with it later. No sense getting upset.

I go to put the lid onto the small sugar container which I had filled up with sugar, except it's empty! What the hell? I open the pantry door to see that I must have dumped all the sugar out when I was trying to save the empty bag of powdered sugar and didn't notice because of the temporary panic I was in. So now I have two piles of different types of sugar all over the pantry floor.

Again, I stare at the mess I've made, calmly walk out of the pantry and shut the door. I'll deal with it later. I sort of chuckle under my breath at how stupid it must have looked. I wish I had a video of it. It's like looking at your watch while holding a cup of coffee and dumping the coffee out when you turn your wrist. Dumb.

I continue with the process of making the cake and getting it in the oven. I'm a little edgy because everything seems a little off and I keep making messes, but I'm not upset really. YET.

I go back into the pantry while the cake is baking to retrieve my Tupperware cake carrier with the lid. It's on the top shelf where I can't reach it. Instead of getting out the step stool and taking it down, I decide I'm going to jump up and bump it on the bottom with my fingers (the shelves are wire shelves), moving it ever closer to the edge with every jump and bump, until it falls into my waiting hands. What? It's always worked before.

But this time I must have spazzed out when it fell. As I reached up to grab it, I knocked a full 2-liter bottle of 7-Up that had never been opened off the shelf just underneath where the cake plate was. It fell approximately 5 1/2 feet from the shelf to the floor, bursting upon impact and spewing 7-Up all over the me, the pantry, and the floor, which was already covered in two kinds of sugar.


"Lucy, you've got some 'splaining to do!"

I still haven't cleaned it up. I just walked out and shut the pantry door. My heart is still pounding as I type this. All my nerves are raw. I'm afraid to touch anything.

If I were still a drinker, which I'm not (thank you Jesus), I would go take a big belt or two of Jack Daniels. (Just typing that made my mouth water...once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.) Instead, I'm going to go sit in the living room floor and love on the dogs awhile. They can always make me relax and laugh.

If I don't cause an explosion of some kind today that kills me, I'll talk at y'all tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. Holy Smokes! Is the cleaning lady coming today? Sure would help, huh? I've had days like this. Makes you afraid to move!


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