The Elusive Granny Square

I've searched high and low for a pattern for the squares that make up this afghan and can't find it anywhere. It looks like you start the square in the lower-right corner and work your way out. Most granny squares are started in the center and worked around. It's driving me crazy that I can't find it. I know it's out there somewhere! Maybe I can mess with it and figure it out on my own, but I'm not real hopeful. I'm not that good.

If y'all know somebody that crochets, please send them a link to this page and ask them if they have the pattern or know where I can find it. If they do, they can email me HERE. I'd be forever grateful.

This is what I got Barnaby for our anniversary yesterday. I got it at Red Envelope, and had it engraved with the date we got married and "Pro Infinitio," which is latin for forever. I wanted to have "Amor Vincit Omnia," which means love conquers all, but there was a 15-letter limit, and that was too many with the spaces in there.

I was worried he wouldn't like it because he doesn't wear jewelry, but he said he really liked it, and I believe him. It's not like he's going to be wearing it on the outside of his clothes.

We went out to dinner at our favorite fancy Thai place, and had a good time.

That is all.

Look What the Cat Drug In

It's me! I don't have anything in mind to write about, but thought I needed to make an appearance, even if I just ramble about nothing.

I've had an obsession with Sugar Daddy suckers lately. I picked some up at Big Lots the other week, and unbeknownst to me, started the obsession. I've gone back at least three times now to buy more -- two bags at a time! They're not the big ones like we used to get when we were kids. They're mini ones. I haven't seen the big ones in a long time. And no one else sells Sugar Daddies except The Dollar Store, and when I bought a bag there, they were a weird consistency like they had been frozen or melted at some point. Yuck.

I only allow myself to eat them in the evening while I'm crocheting. As I typed that, I opened one up and stuck it in my mouth, and it's only 9:30 in the morning! I swear, it's like an adult pacifier. I can't quit!

I've also been obsessed with looking at crochet afghan patterns. I don't know why I never thought of it before, but you can buy pattern books on eBay for way cheaper than you can buy them at Wal-Mart or Hobby Lobby or one of those places. I want them all! I could look through them and study them all day.

Note to Patsy: I got out your afghan that I've been working on for at least three winters, and it doesn't have far to go before it's done! It's so pretty. I can't wait to finish it and send it. As soon as I'm finished with Ken's I'm going to finish it. Or maybe I'll set Ken's aside and work on yours. Either way, I haven't forgotten it, and it will be done some day!

I went to bed before 8:00 last night and slept all night. I woke up and thought it had to be nearly time to get up, and it was only 2:00 a.m. I love it when that happens.

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary to us!

I got Barnaby a .... wait. I can't tell you because he might come here and see it. I'll tell you tomorrow. I thought it was a cool gift. I hope he thinks so too.

I have to work now. Bye.

I Have a Shit List

And right now there are two dogs at the top of that list. Their names start with ABBEY and SAMMI!

I had left a bag of trash tied up loosely in my kitchen on top of the cat litter box last night. It wasn't completely full, and I had planned on cleaning out the fridge and using that bag so I could take it immediately out to the alley trash cans.

I came home a little while ago and there was stinky crap everywhere! My dogs NEVER get in the trash. Well, none of them except Abbey. She's gotten in there before when we're home and eaten great gobs of goop she evidentally could smell. In this particular bag I had a half of a three-layer chocolate cake with white fluffy icing, empty pork chop packages, loose coffee grounds, and Lord knows what else. It was trash from a big dinner I made yesterday because my boys were coming over for dinner. Now all that sticky, stinkin' shit is strung all over my house. Gah!

They are all still hiding. Every time I hear their toenails on the wood floor, I yell "YOU BETTER GET!"

And they all slink off. I know it wasn't Phoebe because she's an angel and never gets into anything. When Abbey gets into something she's not supposed to when we're home, Phoebe comes and tells on her by acting all scared to death and looking in whatever direction Abbey is. Abbey is the only one who's ever gotten into anything, and now she's teaching Sammi how to do it. I don't blame Sammi so much because she's still young and doesn't know better, but Abbey does. I know L.B. was involved because he had his head stuck in the trash bag when I walked in.

Happy Friday!

Great Niece

My beautiful sister and her beautiful first grandchild, Katlyn.

I'm a Great Aunt!

Cat Wake Up Call

I stole this from Robyn. It's exactly what cats and dogs do, except for that last part, which is just for fun.

Have a great weekend!

Avocado, Yum

I'm sorely lacking in the creativity department, so here's a picture of my lunch. It's a veggie sandwich, and it's the best thing in the world. You start with Pumpernickel Rye bread and spread on a generous amount of spicy brown mustard. Then layer on pretty much whatever veggies you like. And alfalfa spouts are a must as the finishing touch. Actually, the finishing touch is something else, but it's in the middle. It's a sprinkle of dried oregano, salt, and pepper. I also like cucumber, tomatoes, onion, and cilantro on mine. Today you can see that I added a slice of provolone cheese and half of a sliced avocado. YUM, I tell you. Just YUM.

I've decided if I had to choose just one food to eat for the rest of my life, it would be avocado. What would you pick?

I used to ask my dad silly quesitons like that all the time growing up, and he never would answer me. He's always say that was dumb because nobody will ever have to choose one food to eat the rest of your life, or whatever the question was, he'd just avoid answering that way. It would make me so mad! That's one of the ways you get to know somebody, isn't it?

ME: "Daddy, what kind of car would you get if you could get any car you wanted?"

DAD: "I can't get any car I want so that's dumb."

ME: "Just pretend you could."

DAD: "Why? That's dumb, boy. I'll never happen."

ME: *Sigh*

I'd just stop trying to have a conversation of any kind and get up and leave.

A lot of things were like that around our house growing up. You couldn't make noise of any kind because my dad had to have what he called "reverence." I can't tell you how many whippins I got for laughing too loud in my own bedroom. My sister and I got the crap beat out of us once with a belt because my mother thought we were being too loud. My sister and I were farting into a recorder and playing it back. Now I don't care who you are, when you're a pre-teen, that's funny, y'all. We were laughing so hard we were crying.

Whatever. I don't even know why I told you that story.

Maybe I should go searching the house for a product to review for you. I haven't done that in a long time.

Okay, go away now. Bye.

The Sounds of Silence

Here I am, but I've got nothin'.



Deedle-dee-dee, ho-hum.



*Foot tapping*



*Crickets chirping*



*Yawn*



*Clock ticking*



Okay, bye.

Garden/Sew/Cook/Gamble/Drive

Here is the wheatgrass I am growing to juice. It's really kind of an interesting science project. The seeds are growing on a bed of wet unbleached paper towels. It's fun to see them sprout so quickly and grow. The grass is at least an inch tall, and I just "planted" them Saturday morning.
This was supper on Friday night. I don't know why I took a picture. I just did. It's a fried egg (the green stuff is cilantro), tomato chunks, and rye toast. Barnaby made it. What a good man.
This is the crocheted sink mat. I finished it Saturday night. It's my favorite one so far because of the colors. If I didn't already tell you, it's for my sister because her old one got a hole in it after using it non-stop for three or four years.

I started an Afghan for Barnaby yesterday. He went with me to Hobby Lobby and picked out the yarn. I started one pattern but neither one of us liked it, so I started another one last night. The pattern was fine. It was just that with variegated yarn, it looked all messy and the pattern didn't really show very well.

So there you have it. I'm gardening, crocheting, and cooking/baking, as usual. That's what I've been doing the past week or so while neglecting you. Oh, and I've been working in between all that stuff.

I spent a lot of time with my dad over the weekend. My mom was out of town so we took him to the casino on Saturday. Then yesterday I went with him to pick my mom up. It was about a four-hour round trip to Decatur and back. I made my dad stop at Cracker Barrel so I could buy a bag of candy. I love to get candy from that place!

It's been storming since last night at about 10:00 p.m. It thundered and lightening'd all night. Since Abby is so skeered of thunderstorms, she sat on my head all night and kept me awake. And then Little Boy decided he was going to have diarrhea and needed to go out twice. I shouldn't gripe about that. At least he didn't shit in the bed! That would have sucked.

I gotta get to work. Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Wow, Dudes

I cannot believe I missed updating all week! I've been busy, okay? The last thing I want to do after I'm finished working for the day is stay on the computer.

I've been crocheting and growing wheatgrass, and I've even been to the casino a couple of times since I last posted. I'll get some pictures of the crochet and wheatgrass projects and post them so you can see. I just planted the wheatgrass this morning at about 6:00 a.m., and it's already sprouting! It should be ready to harvest for juicing in about 10 days. That's right. I'm a tree-huggin', sandal-wearin', tie-dyed hippie, growin' my own wheatgrass. Apparently hippies use a lot of apostrophies when they talk too.

I've got to go start my weekend now. Forgive me for my bloggly transgressions. (I made that word up if you didn't know.)

Peace and love, brothers and sisters.

Isn't She Lovely?

You saw the dessert yesterday, now here's the dinner -- chicken fried steak & gravy, mashed potatoes, and corn. I prefer peas with this meal, but Barnaby wanted corn so he got it. See how he puts his corn on top of his mashed potatoes instead of gravy? Dumb yankee.

The coconut cream pie was not good last night. It needed to sit in the refrigerator overnight to set up properly. I cut a sliver out and the filling was was all runny. It tasted really gag-me sweet too. Hopefully it will be better today.

Excuse me while I go answer the door.

It's my boots! I just put them on, and they're comfy as can be. I look ridiculous in my old lady house dress and these boots though. If I had any balls, I'd take a picture and show you.... Oh, why not? Here is the lovely Scotty in all her glory:

Isn't she lovely?

A Pie & A Milkshake, Mmmm

Coconut Cream Pie I Made Today
Barnaby's Malt Mixer

Barnaby bought this mixer on sale at Target the other night. I think it was marked down on clearance to $13. He loves it.

Where are my Hi-Lo Boots, I ask you? I ordered them last Friday night. They should be here by now, people! I don't care if it's 90+ degrees. I want my furry boots now!

I've posted 8 days in a row now! Somebody give me a medal.

Get Away From Me

I had to come here and write something because I promised I would. I don't think I have anything to say though.

I took a two-hour nap by accident today. I meant to only lay down for a few minutes, and woke up two hours later when Barnaby came in from work. I've been all bitchy and irritable ever since. I hate that.

I opened an indoor/outdoor thermometer that we bought at Target yesterday on clearance. I was reading through the instructions and getting it all set up. Of course, Barnaby wanted to "help." We ended up arguing, and he just irritated the crap out of me. How stupid. I should have just let him do it and done something else.

I didn't get much work done AGAIN today. I don't know what's the matter with me. I've been super-duper unmotivated except for short bursts of energy that go away as quick as they come. Is that what they call manic? Really high highs, and really low-lows? I'm going to blame it on the surgery and anesthetic being in my system still. It's been less than three weeks since I had it afterall. I'm usually never like this about work. Normally, if there's work to do, I can't stand it until it's done. The last couple of weeks I've been like, whatever, and hardly get anything done in a day.

I did manage to get my state sales tax return done today. Then my mother wanted me to go over to some lady's house that she goes to church with. She makes jewelry and was having a showing. Her husband has stage 5 cancer (melanoma) and they need the money. So basically it was a charity thing but nobody was calling it that. I did hear her say at least twice while we were there that her husband had stage 5 cancer. I guess that's a great selling point. There, I said it. Is that mean? At least I didn't say it while we were there.

While we were there, she asked me, "So, where do you go to church?" I started to tell her I go to The Church of NASCAR, but I didn't. I just said, "I don't go to church." Why does she assume I go anywhere? Why would you ask a complete stranger something like that? I HATE SOCIAL GATHERINGS!! And that's one reason why right there. People always ask you if you have children too. And then they ask you what they do for a living, do they go to college, where do they live, boxers or briefs, etc. None of your damn business is exactly what I want to say. They don't really care anyway. I sure don't give a shit if they have kids or not, and I'm not curious as to what they do for a living or if they go to college either. It just makes me extremely uncomfortable for people to ask me questions like that when they are complete strangers. Even if they're not complete strangers it makes me uncomfortable! Step away from me, lady! Back off and stop feigning interest in my life!

As far as I've been able to determine, most people do not feel the same way I do. Why is that? What happened to make me that way? Or what happened to them to make them the way they are? Is it something in my DNA that makes me that way? Is it the pesticides in tomatoes? Do I have a brain tumah or something? Gah!

I'm just too much fun, aren't I?

Now lookie here. I said at the beginning of this entry that I didn't have anything to say. I guess I was wrong. I managed to bitch, moan, complain, and tell you what's wrong with everybody else for quite awhile.

It's time to go to my bedroom and get in my happy place to read a magazine or two. Nobody in there is going to ask me anything, except maybe if they can go out in the backyard and pee.

Not High, Just a Dork

I just had a good laugh. I went back and read my post from earlier today, and I sounded severely high. I really wasn't, I swear.

Rocket Man

I'm feeling all philosophical and inspired this morning. I always get that way when I listen to music I love. I ordered Elton John - Greatest Hits 1970-2002 the other day, and I'm listening to it this morning. Rocket Man has been a big favorite of mine forever. Did you know he wrote that in 20 minutes one night in his basement at 2:00 in the morning? I believe he had a sudden rush of inspiration, don't you? And that music -- that piano, it's just amazing that someone can sit down and something like that just flows out of them. Levon is another one that's right up there at the top of my list of favorites. (Yes, I loved Taylor Hicks' version.) Talent like that has to come from God (Higher Power, Ala, Whatever). There's just no other explanation.

To me, God is that feeling I get when I listen to music I love. God is inspiration, God is heart-breaking and heart-swelling emotion, and God is goodness. I think I understand what God is better now than I ever did all those years of going to church in my youth. It's not about church. It's not about the Bible. It's not about whether or not you perform certain religious rituals or ceremonies. It's not about whether you say a "bad word." It's about you and what's in your soul down deep, period.

This ends today's Sermon on the Mount. Now send me some money. Ha! I keed, I keed.

My business partner, Bailey, mentioned that she was making King Ranch Chicken when we were talking on the phone yesterday. Now I have a bug up my ass and have to make it. Now there's some inspiration for ya. I've gotta get up and go get a rotisserie chicken in a few minutes. I have everything else. Maybe my pea brain can remember to take a picture for y'all. Don't hold your breath.

Goodbye, friends. (That sounds like Nancy Grace. It was totally by accident.)

Am I 80?

Macadamia Coconut Bars

Please excuse the bad photo. I could not take a good picture this morning to save my soul.

Macadamia Coconut Bars

2 cups crushed Ritz crackers
1 stick unsalted butter, melted
1 ½ cups chopped macadamia nuts
14-oz can sweetened condensed milk
1 ½ cups coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl, combine cracker crumbs with melted butter. Press into a 9 x 13 pan that has been sprayed with Pam. Sprinkle nuts over the crust, then drizzle evenly with sweetened condensed milk. Sprinkle coconut over milk.

Bake 22-26 minutes, or until edges are golden brown and bars are almost set. Let cool then cut into bars. (I halved this recipe and baked it in a 10 x 7 pan.)
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The next recipe has no picture at all because I refuse to post the bad picture I took. It just looks like a pretzel turd. Maybe that's a better name anyway.

Pretzel Turtle Candy

24 small pretzel twists
24 Rolo candies
24 pecan halves

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Arrange pretzels in a single layer on a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Place one Rolo on each pretzel.
Bake for 4 minutes and removed from oven. Candy will not appear melted. Immediately press a pecan half onto each candy smashing it onto the pretzel. Cool completely. Store in an airtight container.
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Again, no picture of this one.

Not Shepherd’s Pie

1 lb hamburger
½ onion, chopped
½ cup ketchup
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 cup frozen peas & carrots
2 baking potatoes, peeled and cut into bite-sized chunks

Peel and cut up potatoes and boil in water until nearly done, 10-15 minutes. While potatoes are cooking, brown hamburger and onion in a large skillet; drain. Add ketchup and Worcestershire sauce and stir well. Add peas & carrots; stir again. When potatoes are done, drain them and mix them with the hamburger mixture and serve. This makes a bunch.
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I don't feel very good today for some reason. I felt really good when I got up at 7:00, but that soon faded until I now feel like I'm 80 years old. My back/hip hurts with sciatica, I have acid in my throat that's burning like a house afire, and my mind is all foggy and I can't get anything done. Everything is taking three times as long as it should. Maybe I just need an ibuprofen and a nap.

I'm off to try it. Bye.