I'm loving these Honeycrisp apples right now. And I'm also a criminal and should be thrown in the pokey for at least a month. I'm so ashamed. Let me tell you why.
I usually buy Fugi apples at the grocery store because I think they're the best. I happened to see these Honeycrisps the other day, and the name "Honeycrisp" just sounded like they must be really good. The Fugi apples were on sale for 98 cents a lb. The Honeycrisps were $1.48 a lb. And they both look pretty much the same in size and color. You see where this is going, don't you?
So I put several Fugi apples and two Honeycrisps in the same bag and was charged the Fugi price for all of them. How could I be so cheap? How could I do something criminal like that? I may have saved 25 cents or less. I don't even know. I hope it was worth it when my ass is on totally on fire and I'm eating lunch with Jeffrey Dahmer in hell.
It makes me feel better to know I've probably overpaid for lots of things there over the last three years, but not much. Next time I'll buy the more expensive apples and stick a couple of cheaper ones in. That will make up for it, right? Okay, okay. I'll take a bag of groceries to the food bank this week. Are you happy now?
Oh, the guilt! It's such a curse. I feel guilty when I don't even do anything to feel guilty about. What made me do that and think my guilty soul would let me get away with it? Idiot. Not that I'm Miss Goodie Two Shoes, because I certainly am not. But on this particular issue of thieving, I am. OMG, I'm a thief!
*Disclosure Statement: The events described herein may or may not be actual fact so please don't come arrest my ass. I could have made it up.