Thursday, June 07, 2007

Breakfast of Champions

Actually it was lunch, and there was also a BBQ chicken thigh that I didn't get a picture of. I love me some Ding Dongs, don't you? I hadn't had one in a few years so I bought some today. They aren't wrapped in that thin foil anymore, which was kind of disappointing. They're wrapped in white plastic now. Hmpf. Why don't they just leave stuff alone? Whatever happened to, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"?

And that is the correct punctuation for that last sentence, so don't mess with me. I am the Queen of Punctuation. I don't like the word "punctuation" though. It sounds like it's something that stinks, ya know? It's kinda like the word "puke." It sounds like something that stinks.

Speaking of words, I love the word "sultry." It's my favorite. I knew a lady once who always said, "It's sultry out there!" And she said it with a Georgia drawl and drew out the word "suuultry." Imagine Blanch from Golden Girls saying it. Loved it.

The lady that said that all the time had the last name Butterfly. How cool is that? And she was the prettiest old lady. She wore blue jeans and moccasins, and wore her longish, solid gray hair in a ponytail with dangly earrings. Her face was wrinkled, but tan and beautiful. She used to give me colonics, and was very savvy in the ways of holistic and alternative medicine. She would light fresh sage and wave it around the room. I bet she was a witch doctor, or a -- what do you call those Indian guys? She always talked about an Indian reservation where she worked on weekends. What the heck is that word? It starts with an S. I'll come back to it later. I know it's bound to jump in my head.

Okay, now. My husband, Barnaby, has teased my youngest son ever since he was 10 years old. We'll call my son Seth. Every time Seth mentioned a girlfriend, Barnaby would ask, "Is she black?" And we would all laugh, and Seth would say, "No!" and get all indignant. *See disclaimer.

So anywho, my husband's youngest son -- we'll call him Imus -- sent him a link to his MySpace page. He had just put up a bunch of pictures from his Prom. And who do you think Imus took to the prom??? You guessed it, a black girl. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Okay, she's only half black, but still. I laughed my ass off.

*Disclaimer: I have aboslutley nothing against black girlfriends or blacks in general and neither does Barnaby or Seth. And excuse me if "blacks" isn't the politically correct way to refer to African Americans these days. I don't keep up with that stuff. It was just a joke that embarassed a little kid, and it was funny, DAMMIT.

One time in 1980, Santa Claus came to my workplace and was walking through the building throwing candy. I said, "Look! Santa is colored!" (Gawd. Whatever possessed me to comment on it, I'll never know.) Well, I was sternly corrected by a black lady named Sootie. With a look on her face that said where is your white hood, she said, "He's not colored, he's black!" I've called them blacks ever since. Actually, I think I've just refrained from calling them anything in public. I'm very wise like that.

Shaman! The word I was looking for was Shaman.

I better get back to work. Later, dudes.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean! It's like you can't even say what you mean anymore because there are all these "sensitive" people out there all hyped up on politically correct language. It would be nice if they'd just speak ENGLISH correctly. And speaking of English, I'm sick of having to "press 1 for English". Dammit! Just speak English in the first place and have everyone else press a number for whatever language they want to hear it in. Don't get me started.....


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