Monday, December 31, 2007

2008 Eve

As usual, we're not doing anything on New Year's Eve. I'm going to watch uParty on the Fox News Channel. I watch Bill Hemmer and Megyn Kelly every weekday morning, and they're hosting this show too. I know. I'm a dork for watching a news show's New Year's program.

I may do a little shopping on my own today. That's the best way to shop in my opinion. Sometimes I want to leave a store a minute after I get there, and other times I want to stay an hour. If I can get my ass in gear and get a shower, I'm just going to go to a strip shopping center near my house and browse around. I'm looking for nothing in particular. I do need to exchange a gift I got for my iPod since I posted that I had a different kind than I actually do on my blog.

Did that last sentence even make sense? I actually have an iPod Nano with 4 gig of memory or space or whatever it's called. I had said in my blog that I had a 1 gig, which is a totally different size and shape. There. That makes a little better sense. Maybe.

Or I may just stay here and read and crochet a little. I'm currently reading The Seance by Heather Graham. It's holding my attention so far. It's the first book I've been able to read in a long time. I normally can't concentrate long enough to read anything except magazines, but so far so good. Now I've gone and jinxed myself. I should shut my yapper until I'm finished with it. Superstitious much?

Have a safe and happy New Year everyone!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

It's All About Me

I bought an iPod Nano Silver last night at Best Buy, and I love it. I got the cheaper 1-gig version because I can't imagine that I'd want more than 250 songs on it at a time. That's plenty for me. I spent all morning messing with it and loading songs. I understand how you could get seriously addicted to it, especially if you have an addictive personality like me to begin with. I don't think I could listen to it away from the house, though, because I'm too afraid I'll miss something. It would drive me crazy not knowing what's going on around me -- too weird. I'm looking forward to checking out some podcasts and audio books soon.

What I really wanted was an iPhone, but they're way too expensive right now, especially since I already have a Blackberry (Crackberry) that I love. I'm totally addicted to that thing too!

I love me some electronic gadgets.

Practically every sentence in this entry starts with the word "I" so far. I, I, I, me, me, me! Since it is a diary, in a sense, I guess that would be the case. I just never noticed it before. Now it's making me crazy. Every sentence I want to type starts with "I". Even iPod and iPhone starts with "I"!!! Okay, I've freaked myself out so I can't type anymore.

Me needs to go now.

Ha!

Friday, December 28, 2007

It's Friday

I worked all morning yesterday, and then my mother called and wanted to get out of the house, so we took off shopping. The places we went weren’t crowded at all, and we had a good time. I didn’t buy anything except a few groceries – pears, garlic-stuffed olives, and all the stuff to make salsa except cilantro. I hate when I do that. I always forget the cilantro, and that’s the most important flavor aside from the tomatoes. Oh, well, I still have the roasted eggplant spread to eat first anyway.

I spent the evening watching reruns of Ghost Hunters and making this dumb thing. It's supposed to hang over the arm of your chair or couch and hold your remotes. I swear I'm not going to be one of those people that covers every freakin' thing in their house with crochet. I was just bored, okay?

I also spent the evening with blown-up sinuses, both a runny and stuffed-up nose, and about a half a headache. I even made a special trip to the store for Advil Cold & Sinus, but it didn't help one tiny bit. I used some nose spray right before I went to bed, and it cleared everything up. I woke up fine this morning except for being slightly hoarse, so I'm crossing my fingers that it's not a cold or something worse.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm boring. Bye.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Product Reviews: Coffee-Mate & Swiffer Duster

I am totally insane now because my Brother printer decided to go all Nazi on me this morning. I’ve spent the last hour fixing non-existent paper jams and changing every freakin’ one of the ink cartridges, even though none of them were empty. Then I had to do no less than five printer head cleanings to get it to print correctly. I outlasted the damn thing though, and it’s now decided to work. And not a moment too soon either…I had the hammer out!

Those people at Brother put some kind of malevolent microchip in there that forces you to change the ink cartridges every so often even if they’re not empty. I swear they did. And they laugh all the way to the bank! I’m haten’ Brother at the moment. Can you tell? I’m sure they all do it, but Brother is the one I happen to have.

Moving on...as promised, two product reviews:

Coffee-Mate Blueberry Cobbler Non-Dairy Creamer (refrigerated liquid kind)

Just yum. I don’t use flavored creamers or even sugar in my coffee normally. I’m an iced coffee, creamer-only kind of girl. And I normally don’t ever drink hot coffee except in the winter on really cold mornings (and at Starbucks about half the time). Since it’s winter right now and I’m drinking hot coffee more often, I decided to try this. It says it’s a limited edition, so I’m not sure if it’ll be available much longer. I got the last one at my store. I had no desire to try the other seasonal flavors like Pumpkin Pie Spice or Eggnog. Yuck. For some reason, Blueberry Cobbler struck my fancy, and it’s really good.

Swiffer Duster

I love these dusters. They pick up dust like nobody’s business, and it doesn’t go flying back up into the air. They’re really good for cleaning TV and computer screens too. I keep one in my office and one in the kitchen at the ready. You never know when you’ll have a dust emergency. They are kind of expensive but totally worth it if you ask me. I just paid a little over $10 for 16 refills at Wal*Mart. I think that comes out to about $1.50 for each pad thingy – totally worth it since I use them until they are filthy. Hee.
Speaking of Wal*Mart…today, the day after Christmas, they had all their Christmas stuff on sale for 50% off and had already stocked the shelves with Valentine stuff. Valentines, as in the middle of February! Good grief. I’m sure the day after Valentines they’ll have the Easter stuff out.

And, and, and…as I mentioned yesterday, I already have the February issue of my Oxygen Magazine, and it’s only December! Why is everybody in such a hurry? No wonder the year seems to go by so quickly.

I cleaned out my pantry again about a month ago, and this time it has stayed clean and orderly. I do believe I have the most organized pantry in all the land. And my pantry is big, I tell you. And since I have some sort of food hoarding disorder, I think I have to fill it up lest we starve.
Is my life exciting or what?

Okay, I’m done. Have a great day, everyone.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Attention Please!

I interrupt my day to make another post because this is a recipe emergency! Pay close attention, and do exactly as I say. Go out and buy the ingredients for this and make it immediately. This is so ding-dang good. You may kiss my feet when you're finished.

Roasting Veggies for Spread Recipe
Roasted Eggplant Spread

Roasted Eggplant Spread

1 medium eggplant, peeled
2 red bell peppers, seeded
1 red onion, peeled
3-4 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons good olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon tomato paste

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Cut the eggplant, bell pepper, and onion into 1-inch cubes. Toss them in a large bowl with the garlic, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread them on a baking sheet. Roast for 45 minutes, until the vegetables are lightly browned and soft, tossing once during cooking. Cool slightly. Place the vegetables in a food processor fitted with a steel blade, add the tomato paste, and pulse 3 or 4 times to blend. Taste and adjust salt and pepper to taste.

Recipe from Shelly.

Serve with crusty French bread, pita chips, or schmear it on some chicken breasts with some parmesan and bake for Presto Chicken Eggplant Parmesan.

I used my handy-dandy hand-crank thing-a-ma-jig instead of a food processor, and it worked great. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it is my all-time favorite kitchen tool. I use it constantly. I got my first one at the State Fair of Texas at least a dozen years ago. I've ordered from that link a couple of times since then when it falls apart from being used so much. I think I crack the bowl somehow and that's why I've had to order new ones. I think one time I ordered because the blades got dull. It was just easier than sharpening them.

I have two product reviews ready for you tomorrow. Now go to the grocery store and make this spread!

Also, please note the links on the right-hand side of my page have been updated. You're welcome.

Fresh Start

Good morning. It's the day after Christmas and the day I get a fresh start. I'm jumping the gun and leaving all you January 1st beginners in my dust.

Today's Plan:

1. Cleaning out my fridge and pantry and throwing away all the junky-junk first thing when I finish this here blog entry.

2. Going to the grocery store for fresh veggies, fruit, whole grains, and whatever else to replace the crap I just threw out.

3. Taking a walk around the block. It's probably only a quarter mile, but it's more than I did yesterday.

4. Making THIS for dinner tonight with whole grain penne pasta instead of fettuccine. I know it's lots of butter, but baby steps, people!

5. Cutting out pictures and instructions of weight exercises from the February Oxygen Magazine. I'm shooting for just three exercises twice a week to start.

***************************

It's dark, raining, and cold outside. (I love it!) If it hasn't cleared up by noon, I'm walking around the block anyway. It'll be kind of fun...at least that's the way I'm going to approach it.

I had a really great s*x dream last night. Just thought I'd share that! (I do that asterik thing so people doing searches for stuff like that don't come here and stink up the place. I'm so sneaky.)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

HFH


Thank goodness this wretched holiday is almost over. Hate.
I can't believe that's all I have to say, but it is. Bye.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Sensory Seizures?

The phantom smells have gotten markedly worse lately. I was awakened during the night Thursday and Friday several times by the smell of perfume and smoke mixed together. The smell was really rather pleasant. Thank goodness I’m not one of those people who has to endure foul-smelling things.

I was reading on epilepsy.com about different types of seizures. One type is Simple Partial Seizures, sub-category: Sensory Seizures:

“These cause changes in any one of the senses. People with sensory seizures may smell or taste things that aren’t there; hear clicking, ringing, or a person’s voice when there is no actual sound; or feel a sensation of “pins and needles” or numbness. Seizures may even be painful for some patients. They may feel as if they are floating or spinning in space. They may have visual hallucinations, seeing things that aren’t there (a spot of light, a scene with people). They also may experience illusions – distortions of true sensations. For instance, they may believe that a parked car is moving farther away or t hat a person’s voice is muffled when it’s actually clear.”

So now I guess I have a form of epilepsy. That or I’m just plain crazy AND a hypochondriac.

We're headed to the casino this morning. Wish us luck!

Friday, December 21, 2007

White Chocolate Popcorn & Afghan

White Chocolate Popcorn Mix
All I have is a picture of the popcorn mix right now. The other candy is finished but not cut yet. the pictures will be better of the cut candy so I'm waiting on those pictures until this evening. Like you even care. Whatever.

Finished Scrap Afghan

I finally finished this afghan. I don't even like it much, but it did use up a bunch of yarn. Now I'm going to finish up one I've had started for at least three years. (For you, Patsy! You'll probably get it closer to New Years Day. Consider it a late Christmas present.)
I'm going to start another one, too, and I have it narrowed down to four or five choices. I'll decide for sure after I'm finished with the other one. I also have a couple of dish mats to make. Those may have to wait for next winter. I usually don't crochet except in fall/winter and spring will be fast approaching when I'm finished with the two afghans.
Am I rambling? I feel like I'm rambling.
Okay, gotta go. I have some wrapping to finish up before we have Christmas tonight at my mom's.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Sammi the Muppet

Sammi Ringing the Bell


I've figured out why it makes me laugh just to look at Sammi...she looks like a muppet! Look at that bottom lip, wrinkled forehead, and tiny little button nose. She cracks me up.

I'm headed to the kitchen to make all kinds of candy for Christmas -- toffee, peanut butter fudge, church windows, white chocolate popcorn mix, and I don't know what else. You'll see it all later in pictures.

I need to take a Benadryl. My arms are all itchy. I'm probably getting the hives. I'll go take the Benadryl and probably fall asleep and end up taking M&Ms for our Christmas get-together. Ha-ha.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

*Guilty as Charged

I'm loving these Honeycrisp apples right now. And I'm also a criminal and should be thrown in the pokey for at least a month. I'm so ashamed. Let me tell you why.

I usually buy Fugi apples at the grocery store because I think they're the best. I happened to see these Honeycrisps the other day, and the name "Honeycrisp" just sounded like they must be really good. The Fugi apples were on sale for 98 cents a lb. The Honeycrisps were $1.48 a lb. And they both look pretty much the same in size and color. You see where this is going, don't you?

So I put several Fugi apples and two Honeycrisps in the same bag and was charged the Fugi price for all of them. How could I be so cheap? How could I do something criminal like that? I may have saved 25 cents or less. I don't even know. I hope it was worth it when my ass is on totally on fire and I'm eating lunch with Jeffrey Dahmer in hell.

It makes me feel better to know I've probably overpaid for lots of things there over the last three years, but not much. Next time I'll buy the more expensive apples and stick a couple of cheaper ones in. That will make up for it, right? Okay, okay. I'll take a bag of groceries to the food bank this week. Are you happy now?

Oh, the guilt! It's such a curse. I feel guilty when I don't even do anything to feel guilty about. What made me do that and think my guilty soul would let me get away with it? Idiot. Not that I'm Miss Goodie Two Shoes, because I certainly am not. But on this particular issue of thieving, I am. OMG, I'm a thief!

*Disclosure Statement: The events described herein may or may not be actual fact so please don't come arrest my ass. I could have made it up.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Pee-U!

Evidently soy milk does not agree with me. OMG, it's awful. It's either the soy milk or something has died in there.

Oh, get over yourself. We all do it.

I met a friend at Starbucks this morning and had a nice visit. Grande, non-fat, Cinnamon Dolce Lattes are yummy. It had been awhile since I'd had one, and it was really good. I really wanted a pastry or donut too, but I resisted.

Here is a recipe for you that I haven't tried yet. It came highly recommended. Get out your fat pants for this one. It's really obscene.

Fat Mama's French Toast

1 stick butter
2 cups brown sugar
2 tablespoons corn syrup or maple syrup
1/2 to 3/4 cup chopped pecans
Loaf of French Bread, cut in 1" slices or individual rolls (sourdough works well because of the firm texture)
2 cups milk
5 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
Cinnamon and granulated sugar to taste

In 13x8x2 baking dish, melt butter. (If you use a different size dish, this recipe is a little unpredictable, but still works out ok.) Add brown sugar and corn syrup or maple syrup to melted butter and mix well in baking dish. Sprinkle pecans on sugar/butter mixture.

Spread each slice (at least 1" thick) of French Bread heavily with cream cheese and place with cream cheese side down, on sugar/butter/pecan mixture in baking dish.

Mix together milk, eggs, and vanilla. Pour over the bread in the dish. Sprinkle cinnamon and granulated sugar to taste on top. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Next morning, bake in 375 degree oven for about 45-60 min until puffed and lightly browned. Remove from oven and cool slightly before serving. Dust lightly with confectioner's sugar and serve.

Now go directly to the nearest Emergency Room because you've really done it now. Your arteries should be completely clogged up right about the time you get there.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Another Day in the Life

I ordered some protein powder in orange cream flavor the other day, even though the only size you can get is 5lbs. I figured orange cream would probably get really old before I ever used 5lbs, but Beth recommended it, so I got it anyway. I had my first protein drink with it this morning, and it was fantastic. I mixed it with 8 oz soy milk, 2 oz of frozen pineapple pulp, and some ice in a shaker. It still might get old, but we'll see. My grocery store carries several different varieties of frozen fruit pulp with no sugar added, so maybe that will keep it new and different. A frozen banana would probably be good in it too.
I woke up at regular time this morning with a headache. I fed the dogs and drank my protein and went back to bed, hoping it would be gone when I got up again. Wrong.
It was worse when I got up a couple of hours later. I've tried caffeine and food, but nothing has helped in 8 1/2 hours. It's directly behind my eyeballs, mostly the left one, and it's making me slightly nauseous. Maybe Barnaby will give me a neck and shoulder massage when he gets home. Sometimes that does the trick when nothing else will.
I delivered my sister's lasagna to her house and stopped at the grocery store around 3:00, and I washed and fixed my hair before I left so I wouldn't be a total skank.
That's it. That's another exciting day in the life of me.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I Got Nothin'

I just finished making two pans of lasagna...one for us and one for my sister who just had surgery. It smells great, and I can't wait to eat it and the garlic bread that goes with it. YUM.

I have no plans for the rest of the day other than laundry. Oh, what fun. Maybe there'll be something interesting on TV to watch while I do it. Most likely not, but a girl can dream.

I've got nothin' else.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Pickin' Cotton

That title makes no sense. I just made it up because I couldn't think of anything.

It's 9:15 p.m., and I just remembered that I am committed to making an entry every day this month at Holidailies and haven't made one yet today.

We didn't do a whole lot today except to go Wal-Mart along with the rest of civilization judging by the crowd. I've been crocheting some, napping some, and watching TV some. I also succeeded in teaching Sammi to "ring the bell" this evening! I was so proud and excited when she finally did it on her own. I have the patience of Job with dogs, and absolutely zero with people. Go figure. It took her three lessons of about 15 minutes each. I'll get a picture of it tomorrow.

I have to fill up this space with something, so here's a healthy recipe (for a change!) for a breakfast, snack, or dessert. I got the recipe HERE.



Shelly's Strawberry Ricotta Parfait


1 cup ricotta cheese
2 Tbsp *Torani Sugar-Free Syrup (or more to taste)
1 cup fresh strawberries, sliced
1 cup granola or cereal

Mix ricotta and syrup in a bowl until smooth. Spoon 2 tbsp of the Granola into glasses. Top with 2 tbsp of the ricotta mixture and a thick layer of strawberry slices. Repeat.


I get this syrup at World Market (Costco). You can also buy it online. Just Google "Torani Syrups." It's pretty inexpensive. Shelly recommends vanilla bean, english toffee or almond flavors. You can also vary the fruit to whatever you like or whatever is in season.

Friday, December 14, 2007

DRT


We think our refrigerator is fixin' to be *DRT. It's not keeping up with our ice usage, which isn't much, and Barnaby thinks his soy milk is not as cold as usual. Crap.
Why, God, why at Christmas?
It is 14 years old so we figured it would happen sooner rather than later, but still. Now? Wah!
Speaking of refrigerators, THESE are the ugliest things ever. I would not like any of those on my fridge! They would probably sell better if they were just solid colors. But pictures? Eww.
*DRT = Dead Right There, an old acronym from my police days. That's what we always said at a fatality accidents or suicides or whatever. "He was DRT."

Time-Wasters

I do believe I have a sugar hangover from eating 175,601 sugar grams yesterday. (I ate too many Oatmeal Fudgies. Ya think?) Not only did I eat them yesterday, I ate SIX (6!) during the wee hours of the morning in my bed. I woke up twice and went and got three each time and brought them back to my bed and ate them in the dark.

I'm going in there right this minute and spraying them with Windex and throwing them away. Please standby...

Okay, done! Whew! Today I shall eat healthy.


Funny pictures brought to you by ICANHASCHEEZBURGER.COM, a fun place to waste time.

I've heard Snood is a fun game but have never tried it. It's a free download.


Go buy your last-minute Christmas presents HERE.

Get some new wallpaper for your desktop HERE. The 3D stuff is my favorite.

Go HERE and browse blogs until you're crosseyed. You might find a new favorite you can't live without!

Bye! Happy Friday!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Flips & Cookies & Bells

I hope I'm not as hungry all day today like I was yesterday. I could not get full. It didn't matter what I ate, I was still hungry. I didn't even try to calculate my calories for the day or even make a food list. I'm skeered. Sometimes you just have days like that, I guess.

Dear Santa, I would like one of these digital camcorders, please. And one for everyone in my family if you're feeling generous! We've been really good.

Oatmeal Fudgies

They have to be in my top three favorite "cookies," although they're really a candy if you ask me.

Oatmeal Fudgies

1 stick butter
2 cups sugar
3 tbsp cocoa
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla
3 cups oatmeal

Put 3 cups of oatmeal in a large bowl; set aside. Melt butter in a saucepan, add sugar, cocoa, and milk. Bring to a full boil then start timing and boil for one minute. Remove from heat and add peanut butter and vanilla. Stir until peanut butter has melted and then add to oatmeal and stir until well combined. Drop by tablespoonsful onto wax paper. Cool completely until set. Store in an airtight container. People go crazy for these cookies (candy)!

"Shake, Sammi!" She's so smart.

Next I'm teaching her to "ring the bell" like the other dogs do. I have one of those bells dome-shaped bells that has the little button on top that you tap on to make the bell ring. Abby and Phoebe learned to ring it in less than 10 minutes when they were young, and they just love it when I bring it out. They immediately start trying to ring it because they know they get a Meaty Bone when they do. I worked with Sammi a couple of nights ago for about 20 minutes, but she never would ring it. She acted like she was a little afraid of it. I'm sure she'll get the hang of it eventually.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

No Title

I got THIS book for my birthday, and it's been sitting on the table next to my bed since then just waiting to be read. I really like Joel Osteen a lot and have listened to him speak on TV for a few years now. As most of y'all know, I'm not particularly religious, but I am spiritual. I don't know another way to describe it. Anyway, I woke up this morning at 4:30 and decided to read a chapter. I opened it up to a random spot and starting reading. It happened to be a chapter where he's talking about what you say to yourself in your head every day, all day. I probably didn't describe that exactly right or clearly, but my point is I needed to hear that exact message today.

And now that I've written that down, I don't know what else to say or why I wrote it in the first place. My mind is blank. I guess that's all.

Have you guys ever heard of a Kindle? It's a wireless reading device. (Kind of like a book. Ha.) I want one, but not enough to pay $400 for it. I didn't read a lot about it, but I guess you can buy virtual books online and then download them to your Kindle without having to go buy the actual book. Save all of your bookcases, people! They'll be obsolete some day and worth a bundle! Or not.

My sister's surgery went great yesterday. She was awake and doing well last I heard yesterday evening.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Night Stalker, I mean, Eater


I don't know if I'll be around much tomorrow to post an entry so I'm doing an extra one today. My sister is having surgery on her neck tomorrow, and that's where I'll be.

Want to hear something strange? Well, strange for me anyway? I color coded my closet today. Not really color coded, but I arranged all my tops by color. There is no code. Unless doing that is code for DORK.

My sweet Barnaby made me a spreadsheet yesterday to log my weight and journal my food every day. He even installed it on my computer so it would pop up automatically when I start my computer every morning. That way I can't forget. It has a weight graph and everything.

I've decided to lighten up on myself a little until after Christmas. That's only two weeks, and it's impossible to avoid the sweets with the baking I'm going to need to do. It's just unrealistic to say I'm doing NO sugar starting now. I'll just try and not stuff my pie hole with them until I'm sick. I'm also going to be doing more protein shakes during the day, which I should be doing anyway.

I've had a bad habit lately of getting up in the wee hours of the night and eating cookies or candy. I don't know why I do that sometimes. It seems like I can go for several years and not do it, but as soon as I slip up and do it once, it starts a several-week cycle of getting up and "sneaking" to the kitchen to eat. Ick. I always feel sick after I do it too. The weird thing this time is I haven't gained an ounce. In fact, this morning I had lost 1.5 lbs since yesterday, and I got up and ate six BIG cookies during the night. I seems to fluxuate about 3-4 lbs all the time anyway probably because of water weight gain and loss.

One of the many times I was gaining weight in my life, I was getting up and eating white bread with gobs of peanut butter on it. I mean gobs too, not just a little bit spread on there. It's a wonder I didn't choke on one of them like Mama Cass. Is that how you spell her name? "All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gra --- gaaaack! Cough, inhale, hack, spit, choke, gahhhh! Is that you, Jesus?" Fade to black. It would piss me off to die that way. How embarassing.

I don't remember how I've broken the pattern in the past. I guess I just eventually quit doing it. I don't think it was a conscious choice. I think I just stopped waking up at night.

I've heard of some people who say that they are not even conscious when they do it. They say they are sleep-walking and sleep-eating and have no memory of it. They only know because their family tells them. I'm definitely not asleep. I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. That means I should be able to stop if I really want to. I'll try it tonight and see if it works. It's scientific! It's an official experiment! I have to.

How did I get off on that? I'm going now before I tell you what I do in the bathtub. Bye.

Bee-Otch

I'm having horrible PMS this month. Can you tell from my last few entries? Up, down, up, down. Sad, happy, sad, happy. Bitchy, cheery, bitchy, cheery. I'm totally manic.

I was so bitchy yesterday it was unbelievable. And I was conscious of it and reallly tried to be nice. This is what happened at the drugstore when I stopped to get batteries.

First, Barnaby gets impatient when I start looking at magazines and hair stuff and says, "I'm going to the car and keep it warm."

Well, that pisses me off because I feel like he's rushing me:

ME: "Fine, let's go! Gawd!"

HIM: "I'm just going to keep the car warm! Take your time."

ME: "We only live one minute from here! Who cares if it's cold! You're always rushing me!"

He ignores me and goes to the car. (He's so smart!)

So I'm all ready pissed off when I get to the counter to check out. I'm standing in front of one of the four registers and nobody is behind the counter. A guy comes to the counter and stands at the opposite end in front of a register and says nothing. He stands there and stands there. Finally, he says, "I'll take you down here."

Well, that pisses me off because I feel like he should have said something earlier instead of just standing there like a mute idiot. Clearly I was waiting to be checked out. He could have walked eight feet and taken my stuff from the counter to the register, too.

So I pick up my stuff and walk down to his register. I put my stuff down and place a $10 on the counter next to it. He gives me a shitty look like I should have handed him the money instead of putting it on the counter. (And I should have but I was pissed.)

He takes the money and rings me up. I hold out my hand for my change, and instead of handing it to me, he places it on the counter. I raise my eyes and look directly at him and he smiles. This is the point where I lost my shit with him.

ME: "Don't play that shit with me!"

HIM: "What? I was just smiling at you. I was just being polite."

ME: I say nothing. I just glare at him like I'm fixing to rip his head off. I take my stuff off the counter and start to walk off.

HIM: "God bless you. You have a nice day!"

ME: "FUCK OFF!"

I'm really glad I didn't use my store card when I checked out. You know those store cards you get where you get discounts and stuff if you have one? He probably would have gotten my name and address and came and killed me. I should not be allowed out in public.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Saturday Stuff

I need to go to the grocery store today and buy another roast for the French Dip recipe I shared with you several days ago. We ate every bit of that roast because it was so good. I had it nearly every day for lunch rolled up in a flour tortilla with shredded cheddar cheese and microwaved for 30 seconds. Delish!

We'll probably end up going shopping today. I need to get some things for Christmas still and want to get it over with all ready. Target will be the first stop. Hopefully I can get nearly everything there. Then a few Starbucks' gift cards, and I should be set. Oh, and I have to go get a gift certificate to a steak place for a client. THEN I'll be set. I hope it goes smoothly and I don't get rattled and pissy while we're out. Usually if I'm conscious of trying to be cheery and not let people get to me, I'm fine. I'm going to go get a bath and get my mind straight.

It was 84 degrees yesterday. Can you believe that? In December? It's not too condusive to getting the Christmas Spirit. It should be 34, not 84! It's going to be warm like this through the weekend and then supposedly get "cold" next week with highs in the 50s. Hmpf.

I'll take my camera with me today in case anything interesting or funny or tragic or weird takes place before my eyes today. Wouldn't that be fun? I'd prefer nothing tragic, but weird would make my day!

Happy Weekend! Go get your shopping done.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Fatty McFatAss Says...

Second Post of the Day:


I feel fat! Why do I feel fat? I shouldn't feel fat. Fat, fat, FAT! And bloated! And hungry!
I just changed clothes four times because I felt like I looked really fat in the mirror. And I'm not going anywhere! I'm just staying around the house tonight. Why must my mind be filled with self-criticism and thoughts of food and fatness and skinniness nearly every waking moment? Does everybody do that? I have to stop it now.
Maybe I should stop reading 10,000 magazines a week and watching E! and Entertainment Tonight and Extra and Access Hollywood and all that crap. They're filled with skinny models and skinny celebrities and diets and diet pills and You! Can! Burn! 896 calories! By eating cookies!
BAH. Then what would I do with all that free time? What? Exercise, you say? Uh, I have to go now. My Star Magazine awaits!

TGIF

This Bugg's name is Marshmallow Bunny!

That name just cracks me up. I love it. You can see lots more Buggs HERE. I also thought Vito was a great name for a dog.

I got up early this morning to try and get all my work done before noon. That shouldn't be a problem since I only have about 22 minutes or so of audio to transcribe. Then it's Friday! Yea!

We have a three-foot fiber optic Christmas tree that we got about three years ago. I got it out last night and set it up in front room in front of a window. Now we're not total Scrooges.

I'll come back and post more later today if anything ultra-exciting happens. Otherwise, y'all have a great weekend.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I'm Blue :(

I need to post an entry today, but I'm feeling more and more dispirited as the day goes on. I'd hate to be a big bummer for y'all coming here to read something lighthearted. I'm really not sure why I'm feeling this way -- well, I kind of do. I think. But maybe not. I'm just not sure why it's bothering me to the degree that I may take to my bed for a week or two and hide. That has always been my reaction to stress. Well, not always. I used to drink. Thank god I don't have the least little urge anymore for that nonsense. It is always in the back of my mind. It's just not an option anymore.

I hate feeling like I'm on the verge of boo-hooing and not really knowing why. It's that damn estrogen, I tell you! It makes us women-folk crazy.

I made some sugar cookies this morning. I've had a cookie recipe I've been wanting to try, but I just haven't been in the mood for them. They're Chocolate Chip Whopper Cookies. You roughly chop Whoppers and add them to the batter along with a cup of malt powder. I've made something similar before with malt powder but no Whoppers, and they were pretty good. I'm sure these will be too. How can they be bad?

If you've bought or are going to buy any chocolate covered cherries, which are EVERYWHERE right now and only 97 cents at Wal-Mart, freeze them before you eat them. They're much better that way. Trust me. They don't get rock-hard or anything, just a little chewy and the filling turns white. The Zachery brand sucks. Queen Ann brand is pretty good. Can anybody get Brach's chocolate covered cherries anymore? I haven't seen them here in years, and that's what I really prefer.

Maybe I need some chocolate. Or a nap. Or coffee. Or a poke in the nose.

Ciao, bellas. I don't know if that even means anything.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Fabulous!

Colored Pencil Drawing by Katja Turnsek

I'd give anything to be able to afford one of these portraits for my dogs. She is so good, don't you think? Click on the above picture to see a bigger one. Click on the artist's name to go to her Website and see more.

Sayonara, Christmas!

Okay. So do you remember a couple of weeks ago when I was so proud of myself for actually putting up a Christmas tree this year? Well, I got sick of it all last night, and we took everything down and packed it up! Ha-ha-ha. Yea! Christmas is over at our house!

We're just not Christmas people, I guess. Baby steps, people.

We are planning to have a poker party at our house on January 26th. That's right. We are having great wads of people (at least 16) over to our house for a social gathering! I shall surely die of anxiety, stress, and fright before it's all over. Stay tuned for all the details of my nervous breakdown as it happens.

Is it dumb for somebody with social anxiety issues to have a party? Yeah, that's what I thought too.

Note to Bailey: If you didn't know about this, it may or may not be the reason I didn't show up at your b-day party. I really wanted to go, but I was skeered! How dumb.

I made pinto beans and cornbread for dinner last night, and it was wonderful. There's really no recipe. I just soaked them overnight in water, and rinsed them the next day before cooking for about 3-4 hours. I chopped up 3 pieces of bacon and cooked it slightly in the bean pot...just enough to render the fat, but it didn't get browned. Then I threw the soaked beans in, covered them with water, and cooked them for about two hours before adding the seasonings. Supposedly, if you add the salt too early in the process, the beans won't get soft. I added a dash or two of Liquid Smoke, garlic salt, onion powder, dehydrated onion flakes, lots of black pepper, and about a tablespoon of oregano. I added boiling water at least twice during the cooking processes when the water evaporated from the pot.

Of course you must have cornbread with beans, so I made my favorite cornbread from a mix, Jiffy. I love Jiffy Cornbread Mix because it's sweet. I had never had sweet cornbread until I was well into adulthood, and I'll never go back to the unsweet stuff. It's really bland and not very good. I never really cared for cornbread until I tasted Jiffy. I'll probably make some jalapeno/cheese cornbread when we eat the leftovers because we like that too.

I spent about three hours cleaning yesterday afternoon. I vacuumed the living room and utility room, did all the laundry, cleaned out the fridge, and just picked up all the crap that had accumulated over the last week or so. It was a lot. I was really glad I did all that because as soon as I finished, my housekeeper called and said she was coming today instead of Friday. Everyone knows you have to clean before your house cleaner comes! At the very least, you have to pick everything up so that she can clean. Not that my house gets that messy or dirty (except for the big gobs of dog and cat hair), but it's her job to clean, not pick up after us.

Blah, blah, blah. That's enough. Bye.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I'm Sleepy

I would swear I had a picture to post, but my camera is empty. I don't know what it was because I've slept since then. My camera is saying the battery is dead so maybe I took a picture with a dead battery. That would be about right for me.

Yesterday was a waste of a day. I accidentally got up an hour early because we haven't reset the clock in the bathroom since we turned the clocks back. When I finally figured it out, I went back to bed and woke up briefly when my son called at 9:00. Then I fell back to sleep and didn't wake up until 11:30! I haven't done that in a loooong time. The entire afternoon was spent at the doctor's office and standing around at Wal-Mart waiting on the pharmacy to get their act together. I hate pharmacies.

I came home and made a Blue Cheese Ball and some meatballs. Some dinner, huh? It was good so I don't care if it was weird. The meatballs were the frozen kind you buy at the store, and the sauce was made with grape jelly and chili sauce.

We watched the finale of Psychic Challenge that we had taped, and I was asleep on the couch about ten minutes after it was over. I was asleep again after only being awake for about 7 hours. I woke up long enough to eat a snack with Barnaby and went straight back to sleep. I slept all night until 8:00 this morning, and I could go back to bed right this minute and sleep some more.

My car smells like cat litter -- the clean kind. I hate it. I bought a Yankee car freshener that's supposed to smell like clean linens, but it smells exactly like the cat litter we buy. You know how a smell is so strong that you can taste it in your mouth? That's what it does. Bleh. Maybe I'll take it off the mirror and move it to the back underneath the seat or something.

This has to be my most boring entry ever. I'll stop torturing you now. Bye.

Monday, December 03, 2007

I'm Brain Dead But a Winner

You may have noticed the Holidailies button that appeared in the sidebar of my blog. I joined Holidailies about a week ago and was supposed to be posting an entry a day through the month of December. And then I promptly forgot and haven't made an entry since December began on Saturday! What a dumbass. I swear, I would forget my head if... well, you know the rest. I'm probably going to be kicked out and sent to the Hall of Shame for bloggers. But that doesn't exsit that I'm aware of because I just made it up, so maybe I'll be okay if I'm diligent from here on out.

Okay, here we go...

These are the cinnamon rolls I made to take to the poker game on Saturday night. This is a picture of the raw dough before they were baked and iced. The recipe is definitely a keeper. I really liked it because you can use your bread machine for the dough. I thought that made it a little easier with less mess. You can find the recipe HERE.

Excuse the wet spot on the front of my skirt. Do y'all think this outfit is age-appropriate for a 47-year-old? I decided it wasn't and didn't wear it. I did wear a blue jean skirt and tights, but the skirt was a little longer, and I changed to a long-sleeved top and longish sleeveless sweater vest.

And now the big news. We played in three tournaments Saturday night, and I won two of them and placed second in the other! Yee-haw! I was so lucky and got the best cards all night. I could do nothing wrong! I'd like to think it was all skill, and I did play very well, but I know that there was a lot of luck involved too.

Barnaby won the tournament that I placed second in and placed second in another one. Those people all hate us now and will probably never invite us to another poker game! Hee. We came home with $440 more than we left with. Not bad for nine hours of really fun work.

Back tomorrow! See ya.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Fun Friday

I'm all caught up on work today, so I'm enjoying a lazy day at home. I'm having entirely too much fun with myself. (Oh, stop. Get your mind out of the gutter.)


Let me show you...

First I did some leisurely surfing and reading of my favorite blogs and Websites. Then I took to baking. I made a Chocolate Bundt Cake, and yet another Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. This one is for thin and crispy cookies. That's the way Barnaby likes them.

I'll be baking tomorrow too because we have a poker party to attend. I'm not sure what I'll be making just yet.

And then...

I found the funnest (most fun?) thing to play with, Girls! You absolutely must try it. It's too much fun, especially if you have several different pictures of yourself to play with. The picture of yourself you use can make all the difference in how the hair looks on you. The same hair looks completely different using a different picture. You use celebrity hairstyles and put them on your picture.
I suppose you men could do it too, but that might be a little weird for you. Oh, let loose and try it! Nobody will see!
My InStyle magazine this month had a full-page add about this feature on their Website. You'll have to register, but it was totally worth it if you ask me.
Here are a few of my favorite makeovers of me:
Gwen Stefani Hair (I look like a bank robber!)


Left: Kiera Knightly's Hair Right: Victoria Beckham's Hair

Left: Sharon Stone's Hair Right: Eva Mendez's Hair
Those were the only ones I printed. I had to print them and take a picture of the picture in order to post the them. There's no way to save them to your computer directly from their Website. That's why they're not that great.
My boyfriend, Shepard, got called into work early because of the Hillary Campaign Office Bomber Dude. I'm going to go watch him now. Poor thing. We had a late night!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

One Year Old Today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
SAMMI !

French Dip

Before Shredding

Uh-oh. My ears are stopped up and my sinuses are slightly swollen. Or maybe I'm freaking out and imagining the sinus part. I hope it's just an allergy and not a cold coming on.

I made a roast in the crockpot today. Usually I can smell it pretty strongly, but I don't smell anything unless I go in the kitchen and get right on top of it. I smell limes but not roast. Hmpf.

Anywho...this is the recipe I used for the roast. It's been a favorite for a few years now.

French Dip Roast

Rump Roast (I think mine is usually 2-3 lbs)
2 cups of water
1/2 cup of soy sauce
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp dried rosemary (I use fresh)
black pepper

Dump everything in the crockpot and leave it on low at least 8 hours. I usually start mine out on high for a couple of hours and then turn it down because I'm usually at home all day. When it's done and falling apart when you pick it up, shred it with two forks and pour a little of the gravy over it to keep it moist. Save the rest of the "gravy" for serving with the roast.

We like it on flour tortillas, but you can serve it with French rolls or whatever you like and dip it in the gravy. Yum.
I'm going to eat dinner now. See ya.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Limes? Weird

I've been smelling limes since yesterday. WTF? As some of you know, and as I explained HERE, I've had some kind of weird phantom smell problem for the past few years. Most of the time I smell smoke. This is a new smell, though. I guess I should be glad I don't smell what most people who have this problem do, which is feces or rotting flesh. For an explanation of this phenomenon, you can read more HERE or Google "phantosmia" and you can read all you can stand.

I got upset and stressed yesterday afternoon, and it started just after that. Hmm. I've never noticed it coinciding with anything unusual or specific before.

I just wanted to write that down before it went away and I forgot. I'll be back later with a real post.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Cookies!

Here are the Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies with Chocolate Icing. They are fantastic. We like them refrigerated, but the recipe didn't say anything about storing them that way. They are soft and chewy and very rich. I still had my momma's cookie press so I used that to swirl on the icing. That's why they look all fancy. This recipe was a finalist in the Pillsbury Bake-Off one year but didn't win. I got the recipe HERE. (Mine are prettier!) Here's the recipe:

Peanut Butter Brownie Cookies w/Chocolate Frosting

1 (19.5-oz.) box Pillsbury® Brownie Classics Traditional Fudge Brownie Mix
1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 egg
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 (16-oz.) can chocolate fudge ready-to-spread frosting

Heat oven to 350°F. In medium bowl, beat brownie mix, melted butter, cream cheese and egg 50 strokes with spoon until well blended (dough will be stiff and sticky).

With hands, roll tablespoonfuls of dough into balls and place 2 inches apart onto ungreased cookie sheet; press down lightly.

In small bowl, mix powdered sugar and peanut butter with spoon until mixture forms a ball. (Batter is very stiff so I gave up on using a spoon and just used my hands.) Roll rounded teaspoonfuls peanut butter mixture into balls and lightly press into center of each ball of chocolate dough.

Bake at 350° for 10 to 14 minutes or until edges are set. (I made the balls about the size of a walnut and baked them 11 minutes. I said balls, hee.) Cool at least 30 minutes and spread a thin layer of frosting over peanut butter portion of each cooled cookie.

As I said, I put mine in a plastic container with a lid and refrigerated. You do whatever you want.


Sammi

Just because she's cute. She's discovered she can stand on the couch in the living room and put her feet up on the counter like that and watch me do dishes. She's been doing that the last two days. The sink is just below that counter on this side. I taught her to shake hands yesterday in about 5 minutes, and she's doing it perfectly now. She's such a smarty pants.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Daring Nude

You'll be disappointed in reading this after that title. It is appropriate, but probably not the way you're hoping. I got your attention though, didn't I?

I did manage to get out of the house yesterday and go to Michael's and Ulta. After I stood staring at the yarn for about 25 minutes, picking out yarn and putting it in my cart, only to change my mind and take it out again and choose another color, I said screw it, and picked the purple yarn I wanted to begin with because purple is my favorite color, and decided to make the prayer shawl for myself. Dang, that was a long sentence.

Then I stood in Ulta for 20 minutes looking at lip liner. I was trying to find Rimmel Lip Liner in Daring Nude because it was the PERFECT color for me. So guess what? Evidently they don't make that color anymore, the bastards. Don't they know how hard it is to find the PERFECT color?? So I stood there staring at the Rimmel Lip Liner bins hoping that Daring Nude would magically appear before my eyes, but it never did.

So then I took the nearly-used-up Rimmel Lip Liner in Daring Nude out of my purse and marked on my hand with it to try and find another color that matched it. And then I got paranoid that they were going to think I was shoplifting lip liner if I put it back in my purse, so I walked to the front of the store to the counter before I put it back in my purse, because it's obvious I'm not stealing anything if I'm right up in front of everybody, and I put it back in my purse. Okay, weirdo.

I never did find the right color, but I found one that was close, bought it, along with two gray eye pencils to replace the one I had that magically disappeared, and left. You just know that when I get around to actually putting that lip liner on my lips, it will be a horrific shade of orange, don't you? Me too.

Dang, that was a long, boring story.

I came home and crocheted on that purple shawl for 3 1/2 hours and watched three TV shows in a row on the History Channel about Aliens and UFOs. When I finally took a moment to take a good look at my crochet work, it was all crooked, and I had miscounted stitches, and it was a mess. So I ripped it all out and rewound the yarn. I'll have to start over from scratch tonight. Bummer. Oh, and it's possible I have an alien implant in my leg.

I worked until about 12:45 today and then went to the bank and grocery store. I've got to go now and make dinner and some chocolate cookies with a peanut butter ball on top and chocolate icing. If they look good and taste good, I'll get a picture for you and share the recipe.

I don't really think I have an alien implant in my leg. I was just funin' ya.

That is all.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Holiday Weekend Continues

My plan to have a healthy eating day lasted less than one minute. I got up this morning and walked into the kitchen where the cow patty-size chocolate chip cookies that I made last night were, and promptly began eating one. Maybe I can recover and just pretend that didn't happen.

I spent all day yesterday in my pajamas sitting in front of the fire crocheting, and I loved every minute of it. I think I'll do the same today, except I think I'll take a shower first. Good idea, Miss Stinky Britches.

About those cow patty-sized cookies...HERE is a link to the recipe I used, only I halved it so I wouldn't have a ton of them, and I used vanilla chips, semi-sweet chocolate chips, and toffee chips.

Barnaby has been working out in the garage the past couple of days building a new poker table. He's been to Lowe's at least 5 times. He just came in here a few minutes ago and told me he was going to Lowe's AGAIN. Good thing it's only 5 minutes away. He said he was going to ask them if he could rent a room. Hee.

If I feel like it, I may venture out and go to Michael's today for yarn. I want to make a Prayer Shawl for someone, and I need some thick, soft yarn. I also need to pop into Ulta, which is right next door, and get a new gray eye pencil. Mine mysteriously disappeared.

Barnaby, the notorious Christmas decoration hater, insisted we buy a new Christmas tree when we were at Wal-Mart Friday. I argued for about five minutes but finally gave in. He doesn't like the one we spent all day putting up and decorating on Friday. Yes, I said we. After telling me we were not putting up a Christmas tree (like he does every year), he merrily joined in when I started putting it up anyway. And then he lost his ever-lovin' mind at Wal-Mart and decided we needed a new one. Then he saw our next door neighbor putting lights on his roof, and I could see the wheels turning. He cursed him for putting up the lights and said something about keeping up with the Jones' (Joneses?). I wouldnt be surprised if he's on the roof later today. For 15 years, it's been, "Bah Humbug!" every Christmas, and now he's gone nuts on me.

Where is my husband, and what have you done with him?

Friday, November 23, 2007

Thanksgiving 2007

Thanksgiving went well. For the first time ever (as an adult) I sat on my ass and didn't do one dish after dinner. I didn't feel guilty either, which is a huge deal for me. I feel guilty about everything, warranted or not. I brought my crochet stuff and sat and visited and crocheted, and that was it.

We just finished putting up the Christmas tree. I'm a little disappointed. I think it's because the tree needs another string of lights strung around the pole that goes through the middle. It's awful dark in the middle, and it needs some light shining out from the center for the ornaments and stuff to show up better. I'll get a picture of it to share once I've done that. It also needs more large ornaments. We only have two right now. All the others are smallish. I'm liking the all purple thing though. Don't know if I'll get sick of it or not.

We're supposed to go to a Christmas tree lighting on the square in McKinney, Texas tonight. They're going to have fake snow on the whole block, and it will be decorated like a Victorian village. Sounds very Christmasy and festive, but I think we may skip out and go to Wal-Mart and to eat pizza instead. That's what Barnaby wants to do, and I think I agree.

It's supposed to be really, really, really cold tonight. It was cold yesterday too. It's the kind of cold that hurts. I like it as long as I don't have to stand outside in it. I don't even own a heavy coat. I'm sure I could layer on enough clothes to keep me warm, but I'm just not feeling it. Thanksgiving was enough socializing for me for a while.

Bye!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Satan's Eggs & More

You're getting my Thanksgiving entry early because I doubt I'll be around tomorrow to make one.
I made one of my pies (pumpkin) with a homemade crust. It was really easy, and if it turns out flakey like it's supposed to, I'll pass along the recipe sometime after Thanksgiving. Here's my pastry disk before I rolled it out.
And here's the crust after I put it in the pie plate. If anyone says anything about my pie fluting abilities, I will shoot death rays out of my eyes across the Thanksgiving table at you. And let me tell you, nothing says Thanksgiving like death rays. And then I will corner you in the kitchen when you least expect it and karate chop you in the head. But since my mad karate skilz are a little rusty, I'll probably just grab a hammer and bang your nose, and you will be hideous for the rest of your days.
This is not the pie with the crust I made. This is homemade pecan pie filling in a store-bought Mrs. Smith's crust. I put the whole pie inside my pie plate just for this picture. I thought it would look nicer than aluminum.
And because I love you, I'll tell you my secret pecan pie ingredient! There are two, actually. Instead of white corn syrup, use the new Brown Sugar Karo Syrup, and brown the butter in a frying pan before using it in the recipe. Double Yum.
In fact, from here on out, always brown your butter before using it in any recipe. It's fantastic.
Fucking Eggs! (I don't even care if you are offended by that language. This situation warrants the use of the F-Bomb!) I swear upon all that is holy, I will never make deviled eggs again. If anyone asks me, I will pull out my Mighty Sword that I got at the Mighty Sword Store, a division of Johnson & Johnson, and smite you with it.
Also, please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I do solemnly swear that when someone mentions peeling boiled eggs, I WILL NOT give them my "secret" to boiled eggs that peel perfectly."
None of those stupid methods work, so save your Voo-Doo for curing menstral cramps or something and keep your mouth closed. If it's ever worked for you, it was a fluke. There is no secret method. It's just luck.
I know why they call them deviled eggs now. They are eggs spawned of Satan himself. I will never again be frustrated and panicky because my deviled eggs are ugly. I know this because I am never making them again. And from now on, they are called Satan's Eggs, not deviled eggs. And God said, "It shall be so."
Here are my finished Satan's Eggs. I boiled a second batch and managed to get enough that peeled okay between the two. Then I used my momma's cookie press to fill the eggs. Tomorrow half of them will get a sprinkle of paprika for those who like their Satan's Eggs dressed in red. The rest will remain naked.

This is what my kitchen looks like this very minute. I'll get in there and make it sparkling clean in a little bit. I really don't mind doing dishes at all. I like a clean kitchen.
Anybody want to guess what this is??
Why it's a big wad and a few smaller wads of dog vomit on my office carpet, of course. Miss Phoebe decided to leave her momma a little present. Quite festive for the holidays, don't you think?
Maybe later Sammi will leave me a big pile of shit under the Christmas tree!
Happy Holidays Everyone! Gobble-Gobble!

It Could Happen

I'm actually going to decorate for Christmas this year. I'm going to put up a tree and everything. I'll wait while you collect yourself and get up off the floor.

I started preparing last Christmas to decorate this Christmas. I got a white wire Christmas tree with white lights on it, and I'm decorating it in all purple! I hope it turns out as pretty as it looks in my mind. I have no idea if I bought enough decorations or too many or what. I don't even remember what I got. Most things I bought right after Christmas last year, and they've been packed away in the attic ever since. Barnaby got everything down last night. I'll either start today or tomorrow night dragging it all out.

Hopefully it won't be a giant pain in the ass, and we'll both love it, and I'll do it from now on, and the heavens will open up, and angels and, uh, stuff, will come down and sprinkle fairy dust or whatever it is they do, and our heads will glow with the gloriousness of it all, and there will be love and world peace.

What?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Celebrity Pics & Comments

This is Madonna's daughter, Lourdes. Good Lord. (Or Good Lourdes. Ha!) You'd think Madonna would do something about those eyebrows and mustache! I don't care how old she is or isn't. That's just wrong.
I'm sorry, but Kelly Rippa does not have a "buff" or "ripped" body like this article claims. (I have the magazine and have read the article.) She has a 10-year-old's prepubescent body. She's missing some female hormone that most girls get around age 12 that turns your body into a woman's. In my opinion, in order to be "buff" or "ripped" you need to have some muscle definition. Or just some muscle, period. Having no fat does not make you buff. And while a body like this may be more desireable to some people than fat and stretch marks, it's certainly not sexy. Again, in my opinion.

Angelina has giant man hands. And why do her arms look too long? I just stood up, and my arms come to about the same place on my legs, so that's not it. Maybe it's because she looks anorexic. The rumors of her having anorexia have been in the tabloids for several months now, but I never believed them. I always just thought she was naturally thin, but not too thin. Now I'm beginning to wonder. Eww. Nice lips, though. And that daughter of theirs (the biological one) is absolutely beautiful. Have you seen her? I'll try and find a picture and post it.
Doesn't Demi look desperate and clingy in this picture? Could she get any closer to his face and stare with that stupid extra-wide grin? He looks like he wants to keep walking. He should be afraid. Or she could be just fake-grinning like that and saying to him with clenched teeth, "You better act happy, Shithead, or I'll kill you when we get home." She's a psycho either way.

Here's a picture of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. See? Lordie, she's pretty.

And here's another beauty...not the guy, the baby!


Dannilynn Birkhead (Anna Nicole Smith's daughter) is pretty too! No, she's gorgeous, just like her momma...But she's dead now. :(

Vince Vaughn used to be so handsome and hunky. Now he's just a bloated drunk. Gross.

That's all, folks! See ya.