Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Bras, Glasses, Cheaters & Pink P

I need to write something. I came here yesterday and stared at a blank page forever and just gave up. I'm hoping something will just magically come to me as I'm typing. Oh, I know...

I'm going to share with you how to properly measure for the right size bra. How's that? Wrap a measuring tape snuggly around your rib cage, just under your bustline. Add five inches to that measurement.

27-29" = 32
29-32" = 34
33-34" = 36
35-38" = 38
39-41" = 40
42" = 42
43" = 44

  • The center of the bra, between the cups, should lie flat on your chest. If not, the cup size is too small.
  • Breasts should never bulge or spill out of the cups. If so, the cup size is too small.
  • Your bra should not leave lines or marks on your skin after prolonged wear. If so, it is too small.

Are you riveted to your computer screen? You're welcome.

You'll notice that I haven't posted and treadmill workouts since that first pathetic 11-minute one. That's because I suck and I haven't been back on it. What is the matter with me? I need a kick in the ass. I also need to stop eating so much sugar, which I haven't done either. *Sigh*

I'm still loving the fake toenails. I'm going to paint them red today just for something to do. I need to make an appointment with the optometrist today too. I need new glasses. I broke my favorite ones and never replaced them. I've just been wearing those black-rimmed ones for the last year or so. I like them, but my insurance pays for new ones every two years, and I need an eye exam anyway because I'm pretty sure my eyes are a little worse. What I really want to do is get laser surgery and throw away my glasses forever. I'd rather spend the $3000, or whatever it costs, towards my tummy tuck. I'd rather look skinny than see. That's dumb.

Now I know you are riveted to your computer screen. I am so NOT interesting. Do you know what I am really happy about though?

I'm happy I'm not married to Christy Brinkley's husband. Poor Christy. I know she has that awful feeling in the middle of her chest that you get when your heart is broken. I hate that anybody has to feel like that. It just goes to show you, though; you can look fabulous like Christy Brinkley and still not be happy. You can look fabulous like Christy Brinkley and your husband will cheat on you. You just never know. One day she woke up and everything was normal, and when she went to bed that night her whole life was turned upside down. It happens every day to a lot of people; ugly people and beautiful people. Life doesn't discriminate. *Again, sigh*

Well, I can't leave you with that big downer, can I?

I haven't played the lottery in a long time. I just went to their website and they have a new scratch-off game called Pink Panther. All of you who know me know that I love, love, love the Pink Panther. I think it's a sign. I need to go buy some of those scratch-offs today and I'll win. Stay tuned for the results. I could be a $25,000-aire next time you come here. I could get that tummy tuck AND get laser surgery! It's all about ME!

Blogger won't post my picture, DAMMIT. Blogger, you need to fix that problem, pronto.

1 comment:

  1. Oh fine.... now I find out that my bra size is too small because according to your instructions I shouldn't be spilling out of it. I'm almost afraid to get the tape measure out for these FRANKENBOOBS!

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