Wednesday, June 14, 2006

"Ah!"

She is, y’all. It’s our fault though. We have three dogs and her, so we have always put her food on top of the dryer so the dogs won’t eat it. Up until about two years ago, she could jump up there herself whenever she wanted. Well, she went and got long in the tooth on us. We started picking her up several times a day and putting up there to eat. It was sad to hear a thud when she’d slam into the side of the dryer because she couldn’t jump high enough. So now she stands there in front of the door to the laundry room and “Ahs” forty million times a day. She doesn’t “meow,” and she never has. She opens her mouth and then just says, “Ah!” really bitchy-like with her nose all wrinkled. If she was really hungry it wouldn’t be so irritating. She can’t be hungry that many times a day, and she’s fat so she’s getting plenty of food. Anybody have any ideas? We’ve tried putting a stool in front of the dryer, but she won’t use it. Do you think if we refused to pick her up she’d eventually get so hungry she’d use it? Could we live through two days of nonstop, “Ah!” until she finally uses the stool? Should we lock her in the bathroom twice a day with her food and that’s it? Should we just continue to pick her up forty million times a day and get over it? “Ah! Ah! Ah!” I can’t take it anymore. Maybe every time she says, “Ah!” we should pick her up and throw her ass outside. No, that’s just mean. I couldn’t do that.

I'm having a crappy day. I'm going to bed and it's only 3:00 p.m. I worked until 1:20 a.m. this morning so I deserve it. People are being pains in the ass. Just like Kitty.

Edited at 4:00 p.m. to add:

Dear Hagatha,

I am severing my business ties with you immediately. I do not wish to provide services to you ever again. Every time I have dealings with you, business or otherwise, you always manage to make me feel bad about myself. Of course, it’s always in a backhanded way. You don’t have the guts to be straight-up with me. You are poison. You suck me down into a place I don’t want to be.

I’m a good person, and I’m very good at what I do. I will never again allow you to drag me down. You can rot in that dark, self-made hole alone and spew your toxic negativity until it eats you alive.

Remember, when you need assistance of any kind, call 1-800-DO IT YOURSELF, BITCH!

(Okay, now I’m really going to bed. I would never send a letter like this, but it felt good to write it down. Now maybe I can get over it and move on. I hate feeling this way. People are mean.)

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:54 PM

    Best writing ever. You've hit it and have an answer HELL YES

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's a great letter at the end. You don't know how many of those kinds of letters I've written to bitchy customers and all I've ever done is post them on my wall....... until I turned 50. I actually sent out one of those letters last year and, girl, it felt fabulous daahhling! No reason to take crap from people. They know exactly what they are doing!

    ReplyDelete

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